If you are over 40 and have never been married, or if you are widowed, divorced, or never married, dating online can be intimidating. It is unnecessary to fear online dating, as these questions prevent people from jumping into it. Is it okay to be blunt and straight to the point? What is expected of me? When is it too soon to start dating? This paralyzing fear of online dating does not exist. Online dating can be challenging, but you can definitely find success with patience and a strategy. One of the most challenging aspects of online dating is creating your own dating profile.
Creating An Online Dating Profile
In the wake of the COVID-19 lockdown, I decided to get started with online dating. My first step was to make a list of all the dating websites and create a profile on the first one. After scrolling through all the available matches, I saw the same mistakes over and over again. In profile after profile, I saw warnings like, “Beware! Danger ahead! Proceed with care.” The warnings were written between the lines.
In time, I realized some words do not belong in a dating profile. They signal to the reader that you are bossy, still nursing a broken heart, or that your boundaries are unsurmountable. They prepare your perspective beau for disappointment.
Here Are Four Words You Should Avoid In Your Dating Profile.
- “Do Not” or “Don’t”
“Do not” or “don’t” should be the first word you eliminate from your profile. It is a negative word that should be avoided. Think of all the places where you have seen this word. It is an authoritative, harsh, and warning word. It is always used to indicate a certain action that should not be taken.
While there are countless words you can use to tell the world who you are, you focus on what you do not desire instead. If you start your sentences with the words “I like” or “I love,” everyone who reads your profile wonders, “Hmm, I wonder what she does want?” This is more positive than using the word don’t. You can teach people how to get along with you and please you if they read your profile. This is great!
The next word on your online dating profile is “If”. It indicates a condition, a boundary, and usually heralds an ultimatum. The implication is that engaging you will result in a penalty. By doing so, you will appear difficult. By explaining what will happen if your date steps over the line, you will demonstrate that you are more interested in explaining the punishment than focusing on who you are. You will appear to be a potential headache, which is not something men want. This can be easily fixed with just a positive change in your sentence. Instead of writing, “If you’re looking for a short-term fling, I’m not for you,” write, “I’m looking forward to meeting someone who wants a long-term relationship.” If you write that, the fling-seekers will understand.
In your dating profile, “When” must die a peaceful death. Here is yet another conditional word that emphasizes tasks or milestones a man must accomplish before attracting your attention. It is not necessary for potential beaus to know about the obstacles that lie ahead. “When” sounds like pressure. Yet another conditional word highlighting tasks or milestones a man must achieve to earn your attention.
You will read like a rulebook. They don’t need to know about the hoops they have to jump through yet. They’re just looking for information about who you are. They don’t need to know about what they need to do to get there. You may not be ready for something real. Maybe you aren’t ready yet. Give them an invitation instead of telling them about the assignments listed on the syllabus. “Let’s grab coffee sometime.” They don’t have to know when. If this is the right time for you, sit back and allow them to reveal themselves to you.
In your dating profile, “no” is the last word to be crossed off. “No” indicates that your boundaries have been raised; you are closed off and are lacking patience. Future relationships will seem colored by your past experiences. Additionally, it may appear to be extremely judgemental and discouraging to anyone who comes across your profile. If you do not text for long periods of time, you indicate that you are very eager. If you do not have pets, you indicate that you do not have a warm and welcoming personality. You are focusing on appearances instead of character when you say, “No people under a certain height”.
When you use the word no, you are closing doors before you even open them. Instead, write about your interests and what brings you joy. Then swipe left on anyone who doesn’t meet your requirements. A swipe left muscle gets plenty of exercise when you choose to date online. It is the dating website’s responsibility to present you with available matches. You’re responsible for swiping left on all of those who don’t qualify. It is your responsibility to do so.
Just Stay Positive!
You should remain friendly and positive in your dating profile. More people will feel kindly invited to your profile. You should not use the words don’t, when, if, or no in your dating profile. By inserting such words in your profile, you are asking potential matches to evaluate themselves and eliminate themselves. That’s your responsibility, not theirs. Until you find your match, you should be able to swipe left, eliminating people yourself.
There is no such thing as a perfect match anywhere you choose to look. However, if you delete these words from your dating profile, you will probably have more people swipe right on you. If you also swipe right, you might just find that special someone. Isn’t that easy?