When children say negative things about parenting, it’s hard to swallow. There are certain areas of life that can suffer in a society where multi-tasking is something that occurs to get everything done throughout the day. It is important to be present with children and listen to them. Parent’s may not realize they lack in this area until they are pointed out. You may want to take a moment when kids say they aren’t listening in order to respond in a non-defensive manner.
While parents want to accommodate kids’ desire to be the center of their parent’s universe, sometimes it simply isn’t possible. And while kids want to be at the center of their parent’s universe from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to bed. When parents recognize that their kids are asking for their attention, they should do so. The kids will learn that they are more important than anything else, (especially on a smartphone), and they will see that they aren’t being neglected when other things need to be done. As kids grow older, it will be important to build on a foundation of love, trust, and respect that will strengthen the parent-child relationship.
If your child tells you that you don’t listen to him or her, here’s what you should do without getting defensive.
Give Them The Time They Deserve And Listen To What They Say
If parents are taking the time to listen to their kids on a daily basis, it might seem easy to brush off the fact that they do not feel they are being heard. But maybe there are some things we can do in order to make kids feel they are being heard. What better time to do that than when talking about parents not paying attention?
Parents can demonstrate their interest in their children by using active listening techniques such as:
- Eye contact
- Being attentive
- Maintaining an open mind
- Listening without interrupting
- Listening to what’s being said and asking questions
- Empathy
- Positive feedback is important
With these tools, parents can show that they are listening to their kids when they listen to them. If there is ever a question, parents can calmly explain what they are doing to listen to their children and repeat back the most important points of the conversation.
What Makes Kids Feel They Aren’t Being Heard?
In most cases, kids don’t feel heard by their parents for a number of reasons, whether it is a single incident or an ongoing issue. It doesn’t matter at the end of the day. It is important for parents to get to the bottom of why kids don’t feel listened to, and the best way is to calmly ask them what they feel is not being taken seriously.
Getting to the point where kids approached parents to express their feelings probably took a lot of effort. As a result, they likely picked a time when everyone was in a good mood, used their “I” statements to avoid placing blame, and avoided making the conversation feel too serious, which can cause people to feel defensive. Therefore, parents should ask their children what makes them feel they aren’t being listened to as the next step.
A conversation like this can get heated on both sides if it gets to this point, according to the publication. Parents should tell their children to take a break before continuing the discussion instead of allowing this to happen. As a result, both parents and kids will have a chance to digest what was said and be able to come back with a fresh perspective to resolve the problem so that kids feel listened to and parents do not feel attacked.
Taking Action That Shows Kids You Are Listening Will Help Them Feel Heard
It may be necessary for parents to reflect on what they heard from their kids after they have heard them out. When this reflection has been completed, coming back to kids to let them know what is going to be done to make sure they feel heard will help to create a strong bond between them and their parents.
Children Need To Know That Their Parents Are Listening To Them In Several Ways, Including:
- When talking, put down the phone
- Making time to talk regularly
- During conversations between parents and children, ask questions
- Become a good listener
- Give advice when it is appropriate
- Make sure your body language matches your words
By doing this with their kids, parents show them that they are important, that they matter, and that they are being listened to. This should only make the relationship between parent and child stronger.
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